


Only Human

by gay_shipper



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant ish, F/F, Fluff, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:28:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24135094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gay_shipper/pseuds/gay_shipper
Summary: Two different times. Two similar scenarios. The two same people through it all. Not all battles have to lead to a war and not all scary moments start or end with a fight.Sara wakes up from a few nightmares, will she deal with it differently?
Relationships: Ava Sharpe & Zari Tomaz | Zari Tarazi, Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Kudos: 41





	Only Human

**Author's Note:**

> So I woke up from a nightmare a couple days ago and thought this would be fun to write because nightmares can be experienced in different ways. Not my best work but here you go.   
> Be gay. Do crime.

It's dark. 

It's dark but I can still see the door of my room, on the Waverider. I need to move. 

My legs break the connection between duvet and bed and it sticks to me slightly as I pass. Why is it cold? A sort of stickiness had settled over me apparently. Cold sweat. Another nightmare. 

It's not often I really think about every part of my body that I can feel. The cold has trapped me under these sheets to protect me from the worse one beyond it. Whatever I'd seen was gone, there was nothing left to cling on to. 

My heels stung. Wondering as to why reminds of how they'd dug themselves into the bed before the need to move my appendages had grown overwhelming. 

My chest ached but the pain kept me here. 

My head throbbed, bad. That was why I'd gone to bed so early. Another migraine was fated for me apparently, according to my head at least. The build-up had curbed my appetite for dinner. All those smells were too strong, far too assaulting for my senses right now. I still ate, just not quite as much. Right now, I just needed to open the stinging gates withholding my sight. 

Before I accepted the defeat of a restless night, my instincts twirled one of the rings on my fingers. Laurel had brought me a real silver band for my birthday one year with money from her babysitting and tutoring gigs. One thing I thought I'd lost forever. When I got on that boat with Ollie all those years ago, I'd left it at home. It wasn't appropriate, as if what I was doing was. When I'd awoken on that other boat my brain registered the weighted ghost that sat there. I was never going home. All the times I'd snuck out hoping desperately to be able to keep my promise and I never thought I'd end up there. The ring was soon removed from my finger and placed on my bedside table. No memory of her should have been tainted by my disregard for the term sister. 

The weight of the duvet felt too heavy and light at the same time. These episodes weren't rare but didn't often prompt me to stay awake. I supposed I should've thanked my brain for saving me from whatever I'd seen while out. I dreamt often, rarely forgetting every image forced through my sleeping mind. It was only when I couldn't remember that a dull ache settled in my chest, a warning to myself that the horrors I'd lived were hiding behind a glass door. One wrong move, and it shattered. 

Beneath me, my shoulder ached and I made no effort to move. Ghosts of injuries haunted me often, a numbed reminder of the pain grew stronger for a bit. The pit and Gideon may have healed me but scars still bore the stories. A torn muscle in my shoulder was always the first to show. The tingling that danced around old cuts and wounds were older, silenced more as the skin learned to be harder. 

I was here, now. With some effort, I probably could've fallen back to sleep. Allow myself to blindly trust my head to not repeat everything in an hour's time didn't feel right just yet. I'd regret this in the morning. Less sleep brought a pain in my head I was more than accustomed to by now. The silence was far too welcoming to let myself go so soon. My usual thoughts had slowed from a raging river to a simple trickle, for now. Why give this up? 

My adoration for the nighttime was one of the few things I hadn't lost. Sure, in the league and here I couldn't sneak out to let the stars drown out my suddenly tiny problems in this universe but I had the quiet. No laughing between friends. No fighting for our lives, again. Just calm. Despite what I knew, time had this illusion of being frozen for just a little while. 

Would they be proud of where I was now? Laurel always seemed to have this disappointed demeanour with me. I was always wasting my talents or getting into unnecessary trouble. She seemed proud of me when I told her about leaving to go save time a few years ago. That was the last time I saw her. 

What about my dad? He took a bullet for someone wearing my sister's face. First I tore his marriage apart, then his sanity and then Oliver and I getting on that boat all those years ago ultimately cost him his life. Would he still love me? Of course he would. The rational part of my brain still slipped sometimes. Would he resent me? That wasn't what I should've been thinking about. 

Nyssa? I left her to allow myself a kind of normal life, a decision she'd never been offered. She saved me and I still left. All that I owed her, all that I had now was because of her. Was she even alive? Probably. She would always be a part of me. I owed her every scrap of sanity she'd held together with love and adoration amongst the bad and the terrible days. This world had offered her a harsh, cruel life and with me, she remained soft. I'd have crumbled long ago if she hadn't kept me together and I left her, alone. Where was my promise to help her too when I left her? Where was my promise to love her then? 

A sound cut through my bubble,  
"Captain, while you were asleep Director Sharpe attempted to call you. Would you like to hear her message?" Ava. Would I ruin her like I had everyone else stupid enough to care about me? I'd let members of my team die. She knew as much of my past as history could tell her and still, she stayed.   
"Play it." Gone was the blue suit and reminder of my first words to her. This Ava was relaxed, sleeves pulled over her hands and blonde hair falling slightly over her face. I wasn't there to tuck it behind her ear.   
"Hey babe, Ray texted me to let me know you were a little off. I'm guessing since Gideon said you were sleeping that you weren't feeling too good. Call me if you want some company and I'll be right over. I hope you feel better soon, I love you, Sara." All I'd been through had led me here, to her. I'd hurt her before but she still stayed. All my faults and she loved me anyway. Screw the love songs, some lovestruck singer could never match the way my heart swelled for her. Where was our rom-com about the time-travelling assassin and the government agent? Right, who would ever believe that?   
"Would you like me to replay the message or call her back, Captain?" I wouldn't bother her when it was late enough for my whole team to be asleep.   
"It's alright Gideon, could you send the video to my phone though please?" The way she said my name and how she loved me was something I never wanted to forget. I may never have forgotten my father's voice before but even that was slowly fading away now. If something happened, I never wanted to risk forgetting her.   
"Already done." Guess my request was expected of me by now.   
"Thanks, Gideon, that will be all." My head may have continued to throb but surely the smile that came with thinking of her was worth staying up a little bit longer after all.

There was just one more thing to do. Sure, there was still a heaviness sitting prominently on my heart but that was always there. I owed someone something. There weren't a lot of things I could fix now but I could make sure my girlfriend woke up and knew I loved her too. Our lives were busy, and we didn't always get to speak every day. 

As soon as I'd sent the text and attempted to settle down, my phone vibrated on the side. Why was she still awake?  
'I don't suppose there's going to be room for one more at breakfast, is there?' She could've just asked to come over. That fact didn't stop the smile on my face.   
'Why don't you come over now to make sure you don't miss it?' There was no verbal response this time, only the light from the portal and then an 'ouch' from Ava walking into the bed. 

Quickly settled under the covers with me, I hugged her arm against my chest without a second thought.   
"I may or may not have set an alert to wake me if there was a message from you." Of course, she had. This was my loveable dork.   
"You didn't have to do that," Ava Sharpe, always going in the extra mile.   
"I was worried about you," all the joking attitude had disappeared in an instant. This was just one of her ways to tell me she loved me. Everything had led me to right now, with her. 

She was wrong before when she said we didn't need anyone. Laying in my bed with her didn't erase the pain in an instant or chase away all the demons in my head but she was here and she kept coming back. I didn't need a saviour or a knight in shining armour. I needed the idiot who slept in Disney pyjamas and intentionally left a few of her clothes in my room for me to steal and sacrificed her sleep for a chance to cuddle with me. She was new, for me. There was no need for her to guide me or protect me like my father and Laurel, she need not bandage my sanity with kisses as Nyssa had once done. I saw something new with Ava and it kind of scared me. I only needed her to hold my hand as we jumped in, together. Screw the demonic promises to take away all pain when I had Roundhouse in my corner. 

My thoughts wouldn't cease to allow me some sleep and peace but that was alright, I was used to that. Usually, Ava would be straight out, the only straight she could do really. Her breathing would lull me to sleep because I was safe.  
"Whatcha thinking about?" She was still awake? No point in lying.  
"I just love you and I'm glad you're here." I didn't need to look at her to know she was smiling.   
"So am I." I felt younger with her. Maybe this was the happy relationship I was supposed to experience in high school. I never believed I'd get here. "Let's get some sleep, the children are probably going to be hectic again tomorrow." I let her pull me closer and found that perfect spot in the crook of her neck. "Goodnight baby." My answer was a quick kiss on her shoulder, everything I didn't have to say.

This time when I awoke it was more natural, and partially the blonde hair in my face. She was still sound asleep. The whole scene before me was truly a sight. Even in sleep, her hand had found a perch across my waist onto my hip. For as long as I had her, waking up to this would always be my favourite. I'd never seen anything more beautiful. 

\----------

It was a different kind of dark. There was no door visible this time, I wasn't even sure where I was. My head hurt, I knew that much.   
"Gideon, where am I?" Where was Ava?  
"The medbay, Captain." That certainly explained the medical bracelet. I must've fallen asleep after the hellhound encounter, I had been in a coma for a week. "Ms Sharpe is currently in the kitchen with Ms Tomaz." Right. Okay. Well, I still knew the ship better than anyone, finding our room couldn't be that difficult. 

As confident as ever, I hadn't realised quite how much I was able to rely on my intuitions. Past the kitchen, follow the hall and a left after 13 steps. Boredom and training had helped me learn the layout of the ship, what else was I supposed to do in the temporal zone when my girlfriend was busy? I could only do so many crossword puzzles. 

Finding the room wasn't the difficult part, it was what I heard along the way that had me lost. I hadn't thought about the blindness and visions affecting anyone else, it wasn't supposed to be a long-term thing. Was it? I wasn't even trying to listen in. I heard some stuff in passing and maybe it was just out of context but either way, it made me think. 

Ava considered me a little helpless. The visions were random and my sight issue could leave me vulnerable in the field. She wasn't wrong but she'd told me we'd figure it out together, I didn't think that meant the possibility of leaving the ship like she was considering with Zari. This was my home, my family was here. Should I let Ava stay? I'm the only one that was helpless here, I just-, none of this was helping my head. Why did everything always have to be so difficult? A few more hours of sleep and I'd get ready to deal with whatever new problem had come up if it was my sight, no problem. Denial, not healthy but effective. There seemed to be an ice pick digging into my brain, that was easy enough to focus on long enough for sleep to take me away from my mess of a life. 

I felt my eyes shoot open and there was still nothing there. No door, no ceiling, no glass cabinet by the door on Ava's side of the bed, no Ava apparently either. I begged my mind to just let me see her and all that I saw was the vision of her dead. Collapsed on the floor with a knife in her back. Never thought I'd take the term backstabber so literally. What was I even thinking? Why would I have been surprised if I lost control, wouldn't have been the first time? If I let myself keep thinking this way, it wouldn't be good for anyone. Be strong for Ava. Ava. My hand searched for some warmth on her pillow and the darkness took form.

She was crying. All-day she'd stayed strong for me and where was I? I woke up from a coma with no regard for how she was only to worry her more and more as time went on. Gideon had said something about my perception of time being all funky, could I even comprehend it anymore? I'd talk to Charlie about it later. 

Any thoughts I'd been trying to ignore were silenced by someone else. Two voices whispered just outside the door. The uneven one really drove a blade through my heart, she only wanted me to be okay and healthy. I thought I was.   
"She's just been hiding stuff trying to protect me and I want her to know she can trust me, Zari. I just feel so stupid. Maybe if I'd gone with her, John and Charlie that day things would be different. I don't even know where to start with what happened with the other heroes over Christmas, anything I know about it is from Ray and even then it's not much." Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I wasn't good at this relationship thing. Before Ava, it was all sex now and maybe again later. Everything I did just-,

It was me. The mirror in the training room showed the rest of the room and me. Something I'd avoided for years held a comfort like never before. After Lian Yu, I never recognised the face staring back. Pictures were never about me. My hair stuck to my neck as my chest heaved, how far in the future was this? A shadow filtered through the dark into the room. I wasn't alone. 

The door slid open and I was back, listening to the footsteps edging closer to the bed before a rush of air hit my side and the mattress dipped. No words and I didn't need my sight to know she was watching me. She never touched me. Was I delicate now? 

The breathing beside me evened out, I'd never felt so alone. I needed to get out of here. Needed space. It was too hot under these covers for me and my thoughts were just too loud. I felt wrong. Shower, that's what I could do. Peeling back the covers, I'd about made it to the door with my shower stuff before a sleepy voice interrupted me.   
"Where are you going?" There goes sneaking out.  
"Shower." Was the stuff in my hand not obvious enough? She could see.   
"Aren't you tired?" Always.   
"I slept for a week, and a bit earlier. It's nice to be awake." Who knew how long I had on this ship? Maybe if I could prove my own usefulness I'd be allowed the choice to stay.   
"Do you need help?" I didn't need it. Still, she'd almost moved to get up before I warned her not to. I heard her.   
"No!" too quick, "I got it, but thanks for the offer. Just go back to sleep." I had this. If I could fight a hellhound surely I could shower. 

Or not.   
"Gideon, make sure the door's locked." I couldn't exactly see it, may as well make the most of my resources.  
"Done, Captain. Is there anything else I can do for you?" Seeing as how returning my vision was impossible, no.   
"I'm fine, thank you, Gideon." I'd stupidly assumed getting there would be the hardest part. Nothing on this ship was made to accommodate disabilities, it hadn't really had to before. That was made abundantly clear as I tried to turn on the shower. I'd always looked at the dial before now. It wasn't as if I wasn't accustomed to cold showers after my time in the league, I just hadn't meant to have one right now. Despite my training, I couldn't always ignore my reflexes and found myself jumping back and slipping. This was already getting old. Normally I'd be able to grab something to stop myself from falling, I couldn't see anything to grab. Now my head hurt worse, great. When would I be able to catch a break?

Surprisingly, it didn't take too long to get used to doing normal things. Sure, I couldn't tell what all of the different bottles were in the shower and I may have tripped over someone's stuff when I got out but I did it. I wasn't helpless. Scared though, definitely. 

Being scared was actually how I'd ended up in the training room at what may have been the middle of the night. No one else was awake. Walking the eerily silent halls while blind had me on edge, a reminder of times I'd rather forget. Once I'd reached the room I was looking for the fear dissipated into more adrenaline as I trained and learnt to perfect my skills. Using the wall to guide me, I stared into the mirror, picturing what I'd seen earlier. The shadow was accompanied by sound, footprints. I knew who it was. My hand clipped the edge of the mirror and I was shown too. 

Why was I followed here?  
"I thought you were asleep." The footsteps stopped somewhere near the doorway, apparently, I was more capable than she'd first thought.   
"After the past week, I couldn't sleep properly without you there." I hadn't thought of that.   
"Sorry," what more could I say to her?  
"What's on your mind?" A few steps closer.   
"You and Zari seemed to be having a fun conversation earlier," wait that sounded, "I wasn't eavesdropping, I was walking by." Not that that was much better.   
"What did you hear?" Her voice was right beside me now, I moved her to stand before me and stare into the mirror.   
"I'm scared too. I've never done this relationship thing before, never shared every part of myself," people like me didn't get to be happy. "You didn't have to steal my shirt again y'know." Heavy topics weren't really my style.   
"We'll work together like we did before," she tried to turn her body to me but I kept her facing forward. "I didn't have you at the time." The cutest little yawn distracted me from coherent thought for a moment, this was what I'd seen. Now we could go to bed.   
"You do now." Taking her hand in mine, she trusted me to lead her on the path back to our room. One day, I'd have her close her eyes and teach her to navigate this ship blindly, should she not be able to see. One day, she would know this ship as well as I did. She was a Captain. Should anything happen to me, there was no one else I would ever trust to run this family. 

Laying in the dark with her, my heart fluttered a little with her constant need to touch me. There was one more vision that came from it, my amazing girlfriend struggling to decide what shirt to wear. Young me could've never imagined something so domestic. For now, I thought back to my last vision in the gym and three words I need to say.  
"You're so beautiful," the sleepy confused mess clinging onto me smiled into my neck as recognition. All my other senses had been heightened by my loss of sight, feeling her being this intimate and comfortable with me was worth not being able to see if the bathroom door was locked. Hopefully, I'd be able to watch the way she smiled in real-time again, one day but whatever happened didn't matter as long as I was with her. Nightmares be damned, this was my dream girl. 

The bed was bare beside me but the room wasn't empty,  
"You should wear the light blue one, it matches your eyes." I got a small peck for that, I was still waiting for the blindness to click. She got about halfway to the kitchen before her hurried footsteps rushed back to me and I got a playful slap on the arm for not telling her before she spent 10 minutes on her decision. My giggling was not appreciated and soon she turned to tickling me. As soon as I'd dragged her down with me, Gideon decided to pipe in with something else we had to fix. "I might've been wrong," Ava stopped, clearly waiting for me to continue, "The red might look better with those jeans." Another slap and a,  
"C'mon," later. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. I had Ava but I also had bad days. I was only human after all.


End file.
